A matter of whimsicallity

This is now my fourth blog.

I kept deleting my previous ones because they stopped applying to how I felt after a month... or a week.

I can't quite remember the first one but the second one was called "A taste of variety", the third "Double single" and now this one "Whimsicallity", because with me, it really is a matter of whimsicallities *so officially it's not really a word, I know, but admit it, it sounds nifty*

My mood changes on a whim and so does my mind.

I hardly ever stick to one idea or feeling for longer than perhaps a few weeks. Though the one thing that does stick is me being generally unhappy with myself and my life.

The evolution I am now seeing, and going through, is that I have started taking things into my own hands and consciously trying to fix this unhappy state of living.

The most persistant unhappyness factor is:

The international female problem numero uno:

VERY strongly dislike my body (to the point that it makes me depressed)

--> derived from that: insecurity
--> leading to: a run-away-reflex, especially in relation to academics
--> causing: a sense of grand overall failure

Because I keep running away, I never overcome, I do not succeed and have now ended up with a general demotivated disposition.

With that being my default state it doesn't make it any easier to crawl out of this dank pit.


On a lighter note:

I'm leaving for Cologne (Keulen, Köln) in 2 hours. My mom is coming to pick me up at the office. But I need to download/buy some jazzy music from iTunes for the 2-3hour drive, particularly because my mother and I currently aren't on the same wavelength and knowing me, I need something to sooth me.

I'm actually going to be keeping a videoblog of this trip to Cologne. I had made one right here keulen.videoblog.nl but now I see I can upload videos here as well. I'll post them on both websites.


Tschüss!