Here we go...

So many months on and more updates and even more of the usual...

I just reread my old posts and I can't believe how much I relapse. Last time I complained about failing my diet, that is -exactly- what happened again. I'm in a vicious circle and I can't seem to get out. I constantly fail and complain over and over again.

So, before going into details. I'll give the summary to spare my future self the pain of reading through it all and finding out the exact same crap all over again.

- diet is a mess (AGAIN)
- started a new workout programme (AGAIN)
- passed all my exams except for 3 of the 4 Russian exams
- changed eyebrows!!

I am therefore once again unhappy and brooding.

I seem to be developing bulimia and of course that was never the plan. From my initial mind-set "I could NEVER develop an eating disorder" to actually having one. It's odd how these things evolve. Hid-away blogs really help shed light on these evolutions.

I started a new workout plan; How to Look Better Naked, a book written by some editor of Women's Health. It's an interesting workout plan that includes HIIT training. I haven't felt stiff in ages like I have with these workouts. The accompanying eating plan isn't adapted to my needs and I'm afraid following a rigid program + a tough eating programme (which will be rather expensive to follow anyway) will not be a solution for success.

But... on the other hand. If progress doesn't come fast enough because I'm not eating right, I won't stick with the training any way.

We will see in 12 weeks if I finally managed to achieve something... This little fail-trip can't go on forever, can it?

On a lighter note! I got my eyebrows changed! No more fady, reddish, oh-so-wrong lines for eyebrows. I will post photos as soon as they have healed.

I think this is enough for now. I have this very strange feeling I will be back here not too far in the future and I'm worried it is to report failure again. Anyhow, there is no success to be found in negative thoughts.

Talk soon!
Indra

Another one!

Here we are with yet another update.

This one carries a bit more of the usual: frustration, but I will include good news too.

To start off with the good: yes, still going to the gym. It doesn't feel like something that will change. I find myself pretty stuck into that routine by now. Today is Monday, so today is a circuit training class plus a yogalates class. Sadly, it's a special sport day for students, which means the small yogalates class will be stuffed. Less room to wiggle/fall.

More good news: I passed all of my exams. There were only 4 of them (compared to the 12 coming up...) but I passed!

History - 14/20
Philosophy - 11/20 (that's not so good, shameful)
Dutch spelling - 15/20
Dutch "Taalvaardigheid" - 15/20

Now on to the frustrations!

Frustration 1: my diet isn't going too well. I am overeating and can't control myself. I'm not eating unhealthily per se, but I'm eating too much and especially out of boredom. Problem with that is, I have no reason to be bored because I have a LOT of work to do. Though, it is school-work, so it does tend to be something I am not as motivated to do. Perhaps the eating is also because of stress. Maybe that is actually THE reason for it. Stress for the upcoming 12 exams. Either way, I need to get it under control because my spirits are way down low and that won't help one bit.

Frustration 2: my roommate... with Frustration 1 going on I am having even an harder time with her. She is a piglet! She eats nothing but junk food and it is making me feel nauseous and angry. But mainly sick. It is stomach twisting to see the ... well.. -crap- that she eats. She eats crisps, cookies, chocolate, sugary cereals, waffles, ... non-stop as "snacks". She always seems to eat when she gets back home late before she goes to bed. She pours olive oil over white-manufactured-toast-bread like it's nothing. She hardly cooks and what she does cook is full of fat and nutrionally useless.

It hurts to see.

She also sometimes doesn't close the toilet door, leaves raw meats out of the fridge (I can not even imagine what bacteria are forming in there, she could get seriously ill), walks around on the wooden floors like an elephant (I always tip-toe not to make too much noise!), doesn't really know how to clean... anything, licks off her fingers very noisily, leaves "residue" in the toilet pot (there is a BRUSH, why doesn't she use it =(?! ), ...

It is all very frustrating for me. Too frustrating. Which is why I will be moving out of this apartment on the 15th of July to a new apartment, just for me. I can't deal with roommates anymore.

To summarize:
- roommate is killing me
- my diet is in ruins
- passed all first exams
- still going to the gym

My absolute biggest frustration is coming from my failing diet. It is really really getting to me. If I don't fix it soon, I will be too down and upset to get things done. So, I will be starting a food diary again, keeping track of calories etc... Hopefully it will allow me to lose 2kg. I was 59-60kg a month back, right now I haven't dared to weigh myself again for fear of having gained. Though, I still fit in all my pants, which means I should still be in the clear. But, if I get back on track with my diet, weigh myself in a month or so and either am back to 59 than I'll be content with just minor disappointment. If I am less then I will be ecstatic and I'm sure I'll feel good again.

With the summer coming up I need my body to look good, for me. I need this. Very very badly.

Al right, have to leave in 20mins.

Ttyl!
Indra

Return v2.0

Of course, we start off as usual: I AM BAAAA-H-AAAACK!

So, right now: the deal.

I have successfully finished my Graphic Design course and have successfully started my Translator/interpreting-studies. And yes, I stuck to my initial idea: English/Russian. I also just finished my exams and dare I say it: they went well. Results should be in next week. Might I add: I have never, and I do mean -never-, ever studied as hard in my life as I did for these exams.

Also, that Weight Watchers thing never worked out, in fact, it's all neatly tucked away in the original box, which I am staring at right now, in front me, in the cupboard where the TV is on. Yes, 100euro royally wasted. But, however: I -have- lost a decent amount of weight and now weigh the least I have weighed in a long time! Before it was 65-66kg now it is 59-60kg. I am going to the gym around 3 times a week and I seem to be sticking to it. In fact, I have a circuit-training class in half an hour and a yoga/pilates-class straight after ;). All the clothes I once bought thinking "I'll fit into this eventually" finally fit me! =D

Who would've thought things would really change eventually? ... Well, we all did really, it's the long wait that just bloody sucked and made desperation so easy to cling on to.

One thing that I doubt will ever change: me updating this blog regularly! Don't think that'll happen.

But, venting is good, this is my vent, so once in a while...

Off to the gym I go!